Ferraris of Chennai

If you are someone who has stayed in Chennai (one of the four metros of India, capital city of Tamil Nadu) for even a day, you would know what I'm talking about here. Yes, the Ferraris of Chennai are none other than our 3-wheel drives called Autorickshaws, more commonly known as Autos.

Firstly I must tell you what an Auto looks like. It has got a funny shape, unlike any automobile you may have in mind. Its front end is shaped sort of like a jumbo jet's cockpit. No, not as pronounced as that, but more or less, similar. And this front end is supported by a single tire located right in the middle, and poking out quite conspicuously. The back side is flat, with an opening like one of your cupboard doors at home, to access the fuel tank and motor, and this is all supported by two tires. So, that makes a total of 3 tires, doesn't it? In between is obviously the middle, and main portion, compartmentalized into two sections. The front for the driver, and the back for the passengers, three is the design limit, but in practice it has been observed to go as high as six or seven. All this is smug under a 'strong' overhead covering made of tarpaulin or plastic. To put it short, in the evolution of the automobile, the scooter transformed itself into the car by going through the phase of an Auto. Its literally a cross between a scooter and a car. Many of the new comers to Chennai have often wondered aloud to me as to how this thing stays on the road. "Wouldn't it just fall to one side?" "Well, that's a design marvel", I tell them.

Now that we know how it looks, you must see what it can do. A Chennai-Auto can be used for anything from a temporary living-quarters to a mini school bus to an industrial goods carrier. But mainly, they're used to transport people from one place to another in minimum time and maximum tariff. These super-light machines can achieve terrific accelerations from 0-60 in under ten seconds, irrespective of the fact whether one is on an empty test-field or in a Chennai traffic jam. This goes to say a lot about the guys who drive this mean machine, called as auto-drivers. I often wonder if the Road Transport Office conducts special tests before licensing an auto driver. I mean, their test conditions surely must be extremely difficult. I can imagine one test condition as going like this -'Ok, this is a 50 m track, crowded with a car or cycle or motorbike or pedestrian or a cow every 5 feet. All you have to do is drive your auto through all this, maintaining a constant speed of 80 kmph from start to finish, overloaded, of course'.

In my opinion, it is wrongly assumed that a fighter pilot is the most skillful of all drivers. Guys, you must take a look at a Chennai auto-driver in full flow. Little wonder that these fellows have an attitude to match. Getting an auto-driver to take you to a place is like getting Mallika Sherawat to do a film shoot fully dressed. A normal conversation with one would go like this ...

Passenger: Er, sir, would you come to Adyar?
Auto-Driver: (after a look up and down at you, and in his most insulting tone) Where in Adyar?
P: Near the Adyar bus station.
AD: Before the bus station or after?
P: After.
AD: That'll be 250 rupees.
P: Excuse me, but the last time I only paid 100 rupees by Taxi.
AD: So? See man, petrol prices have gone up. The roads are blocked now, and I'll have to take a roundabout route. If you want I can take you till before the bus station, that'll be only 200 rupees.
P: Its ok thanks, I think I'll take the taxi.
AD: Bloody $%&*$, right in the morning these %&*#$ come here to disturb our peace. Get out of here you %$$%&*...

And then, if you're unlucky, you'd meet a smiling auto-driver, who'd willingly take you to your destination, assuring you that you'll have to pay only the amount that shows in the rental-meter, and if you're happy, five rupees more. You get into the auto, and your sightseeing trip of Chennai starts. Right from the central Chennai landmarks to the suburbs, you'll get a local's knowledge of the geography. In between, you might also get to see the sophisticated meters at work at traffic signals, where they keep running even when the auto isn't. So, you finally reach your five-minutes-away destination after 2 hours and end up emptying out your bank account and mortgaging your house to pay for the ride. But what are you complaining about, you had a detailed view of the countryside and a roller-coaster ride for two hours, didn't you? Even Disneyworld doesn't offer that.

Hey, but there's nothing to feel bad about being gulled by an autodriver. It happens to even the Chennai residents on a daily basis. There was this one incident that occurred to me (I've been in Chennai for 17 years of my life, mind you) when I took an auto from the railway station. The guy asked me to pay just what's shown on the meter. Two minutes into the ride, he switched off the meter, said he's been on the route for a long time now, and that the amount would be 70 rupees (which I knew was at least 30 more than the usual fare). I refused, and after an on-road quarrel, he took me straight back to where he picked me, took hold of one of my bags and asked me to pay up 70 rupees. It should really impress you to know that I got out of that situation with my bags and pride intact with 'just' 10 rupees short. Taking an auto in Chennai is the best way one can be 'taken for a ride'. Literally.

As a final word, I must say, please don't let this deter you from coming to Chennai and taking one of those auto rides. After all, we do indulge in alcohol and drugs and unsafe sex and gambling, don't we? And if you aren't brave enough to take one, at least you could observe in awe one of the marvels of automobile design and some of the best drivers in the business. Ferraris of Chennai, indeed!

References: The pic has been picked from this location (http://www.daneshzaki.com/post/28136930/chennai-auto-rickshaw-drivers-the-other-side). I wouldn't be brave enough to take their pictures now, would I?