Virility, Virality and Incredulity

A school friend of mine recently mailed our school email group announcing the arrival of his new-born son. I naturally responded, with my congratulatory message along with a good luck wish for long nights of feeding and changing soiled nappies. Now the whole world knows I am this bachelor who, apparently, has been ‘struggling’ forever to lose that title. So, there was another natural response, this time from one smart alec, who wanted to know how I would be aware of such baby matters, and if I were secretly a father to a blue-eyed, dark skinned lad in an exotic hideout. Now however much I would wish to respond in the affirmative to that question, with some juicy unasked for details as well, I sadly have nothing to quote. Sigh… gone are the days when one couldn’t have babies without being wedded, even if it may not be your wife who is delivering them.

But hey, it got me thinking. Is it that easy to have a child out of casual sex? I mean, look at the what my favourite hindi and mallu directors have been feeding me during my growing years. The hapless heroine is raped by a monster; and lo and behold, she is pregnant. And in real life married couples need to keep going at it for years to get the same result, if they are lucky. Funny, isn’t it?

I tell you what, it is because these villains are in much better physical shape, considering their energetic life-style – horse riding, jumping off moving cars and tall buildings, beating up an old man who would also inevitably be blind and lame in a subji mandi with all vegetables conveniently positioned to be thrown up in the air once every two seconds, you know what I am talking about. Or perhaps these bad guys have a better method for sex; not surprising with all their rape practice right? So, if you look at it, there definitely are a few things yesteryear’s villains can teach today’s average Raghav, married to a widening Swapna, working as IT managers in a technology park situated 30 miles from the nearest civilization. But do they have to time to learn any of those tricks? Well, thats a different matter altogether, isn't it?

Flattered to be Deceived

Time flew by, memories forgotten, wounds healed, self doubts subsided,

Then came the rain, very swift, washing away everything in its melancholy

Memories rekindled, fragrance everywhere, life in all its splendour,

Heart bursting at its seams with joy, shambles broken, riding high and free

Just as swift the arrival, so the passing, without rhyme or sense or reason

While the thunderstorms drench bountiful hearts miles away, my heart yearns for what could have been.

The flattery before the deceit, or sub plot of an eternal act, induced by a sense of irony

What does it matter, as I hear it's faint beats fall far away amidst exalted beings.

Do curses work in today's world? You laugh in my face, you say its a farce

But why then do I feel a cursed soul, carrying the burdens of actions past?

I don't see this drought ever seeming to end, the aches so familiar finding respite

The brief period of euphoria in your shower only churned the pains of its thoughts to last.

I hear the thunderbolts from oceans away jolt the frail strings so near to me

Devastated, lifeless and asynchronised seem the strains of music from your stirrings born

I wonder how I let myself get drawn into it's temporal illusion, to be deceived. Yet again.

I find myself where I see the rose, once again I grope for it, but I only feel the thorn.

Redemption... errr.. Resumption, once again

The best form of motivation a blogger can get to blog is the kind coaxing from friends (the (only) kind readers) to resume the practice. Of course, being friends, they could just be trying to boost my self-esteem. But considering how often they make this request, my self-esteem must be really really low, or they must be really really crazy. So, for the sake of their love, or for the sake of their quick recovery, whichever way you see it, let me get back into the practice.

Neigggghhhhh !!! (thats just for the theme effect, remember I'm the horse)

Now the reasons why I have been away for so long, (despite several threats of resumption) are several. Well, first there was MBA school itself for a year, although I did manage to pen something in between during that period. After the MBA itself, there was this small matter of looking for a job. I even stooped so low as to post something for the recruiters to read. May the blogging gods forgive me for that. Anyway, once I got a job, there was this other small matter of feeling as creative as a light bulb during the daylight hours when I have the time to write, and feeling too tired to write at night when the creative juices are all but wetting my sheets. Ofcourse, my laundry maid would have a different and not so flattering perception to that, but what would she know about creativity. Moreover, whats the fun in blogging for the sake of blogging. They don't turn out to be good anyway.

But hey, there is a limit for everything; sadly, even for laziness. Its about time I let those juices wet my pages rather than my sheets. So here goes (man, this is starting to sound so familiar already)

Compulsory Military Service for Indians

Varun Gandhi has been in the news a lot lately, for all the wrong reasons. For someone who's exactly as old as a 29 year old male, one expects more maturity and sanity during public appearances, especially during these days of national election when a foul fart from a political hole can trigger an animated news anchor to choke over his spit and froth in front of a giant tv screen. Varun ofcourse belongs to a national party that is not exactly moderate in its views, to put it mildly. That notwithstanding, one can't blurt out hate speeches against large communities and get away with it so easy.

But hold on for a moment. When I put myself in Varun's shoes (empathy being the universal catch-word now), despite all of his 29 years as part of a high-profile political family, it is but natural that every once in a while he gets influenced by those hormonal rushes that is so characteristic of us youngsters. Add to that the euphoric anticipation of his speech, the large stage, the mesmerising feel of holding a rapt audience and the eagerness to please the hopeful masses. It isn't too difficult to get carried away by it all, is it?

Now, you or I could get away with this with only a few dents to our ego. Not poor Varun, for he happens to be part of a high-profile political family. Moreover his affiliations are towards a party that has always been one of the largest, if not the largest, pains in the behind of the ruling party. And in our politics, like I said before, a foul fart can tilt the cart in your favor. Who would let go of such a golden opportunity to go one up in the eyes of the 'secular' public?

Ofcourse, by now one would think that I sympathise with Varun. But no, I don't. Youth, immaturity and hormones cannot be an excuse for such hate speeches. And they should be punished severely, atleast to set an example, if not for anything else.

Anyway, that is not the point that I wanted to make today. It is about Varun's mention of another policy for the Indian public - that of compulsory military service in the country. And this time I am with the poor chap. I completely agree, albeit with the hope that the military will be able to instill its discipline on the average Indian, rather than the other way round. Just think of the possibilities with an even slightly more disciplined Indian public. More road sense for one. Respect for public rules would be another. Courage to stand up against a public crime, instead of ignoring or running away from it would be a third. And ofcourse, all that Old Monk and Old Cask that would enter the reseller market.

But more importantly, there would be a whole new generation of fitter, healthier and stronger citizens. For centuries we have been one of the unfittest set of people in the whole world. Our stamina, strength, health and even eating habits have been one of the poorest in the world. (these are ofcourse my own conceptions and have absolutely no research backing them). If we're over thirty, there is atleast one nagging body part in most of us (mine is the brain). Don't we all agree? (not about my brain, I meant about the previous point). A compulsory military service would bring in some fitness consciousness into our heaps-of-rice-and-dal fed brains (oh, get over the brain, will you). The Indian genetic lineage could be saved from mutating into nothing more than a very brainy blubber of fat.

India, the Global Economic Crisis and Telecommunications

The title sounds like a Robert Ludlum thriller, doesn't it? Yeah, that was the attempt. So, what has gotten into me, to write about serious matters like the economy and telecom. Well, MBA does have adverse side effects. And more importantly, since I've been pasting my blog address in my resumes, all my future corporate bosses just might visit this blog. So, this one is for them. (So, future boss, you have my number. CALL ME).

The Global Economic Crisis - enough has been written about this. But a Malayalam proverb says, "Naadodumbol naduve odenem". Loosely translated, it means, "When the whole village is running, make sure you run right at the centre" (talk about being concise, eh!). And so I too want to add a few words on this subject matter. However, I'd like to confine my thoughts to the telecom sector in India and the impact of the crisis on this sector.

At the outset, the general consensus among the well-read and oft-quoted persons from the industry is that the telecom sector in India will be doing really well, inspite of the crisis. It will not be affected much by it. After all, do people stop communicating with their near and dear ones just because there is an economic crisis going on? Our own minister, Mr. A Raja says, "India's telecom sector is strong enough to sustain and flourish in the current bleak economic environment". From what I understand, there are three reasons for this.

The first is that the average person's expenses on the mobile phone, telephone or internet is a very small percentage of his or her total monthly expenses, thanks to the healthy competition in the Indian market and the consequent low tariffs. Even among the corporate honchos, a ten thousand rupees expense per month is a small matter when a one million dollar bonus is at stake. 

Secondly, in India where there is just above 35% tele density, there is still scope for some serious telecom growth in rural areas. The good news is that the would-be customers here are involved in industries that are far removed from the economic crisis. For instance, most of rural India is involved in agriculture and small scale industries. And the demand for these products has not and will probably not diminish in the future. Since the buying power of rural India will not be affected much, by expanding in these areas the telecom industry can still register a bullish growth.

Thirdly, even as Corporate India (and the rest of the world) is restructuring, re-strategising, and cutting costs, frequent communication becomes a necessity. Travel costs are saved by resorting to video-conferencing instead. Corporate heads discuss strategy and business matters over the telephone instead of over caviar and champagne at a weekend resort. Exaggerations aside, with the increased globalization of organizations, communications gains prominence, especially during these turbulent times.

(of course, there could be many more reasons, but my thoughts aren't refined enough as yet to think of all of them).

But is this fairy tale growth story just that - a fairy tale? I for one know on a first-hand basis that many of the top telecom players in India have frozen recruitments. When you are facing tremendous growth in future, you do want the personnel to manage that growth, wouldn't you? Either these companies have struck on some secret strategic formula that gets more out of their employees, or they are all being cautious. So, is there reason for them to be cautious?

Although the average person above spends a very small percentage of his total expenses on the mobile and internet charges, chances are that during periods of recession, he does try to minimize his expenses as much as possible. So, if he can avoid that call to that 1800 number to talk to that 'exotic' lady "waiting naked just for his call", he will. Even corporates that might have had plans to install a new PBX system for their headquarters, or to invest in a dedicated international leased line would now put a hold on such 'non-urgent' plans. 

The Indian government itself, in particular the TRAI and Telecom Ministry, aren't exactly helping to boost the telecom growth. Our SAARC neighbours Bhutan, Nepal, Sri Lanka and Maldives have already commercialised 3G technology. And we are still haggling over the reservation price for the spectrum. While it is understandable that the maximum revenues for the government are derived from the auction phase of the technology implementation, care must be taken to not make the same mistakes as Western Europe did during their own introduction of 3G technology. The Indian consumer is very price conscious and any technology that comes with a heavy price tag will not be adopted. So, when an operator pays exorbitant amounts for 3G licenses, it will naturally shift the costs on to the end user, or run the risk of making losses.

This would mean that, by pricing the 3G spectrum and licenses so high, the Ministry is threatening to directly subdue the rapid growth of the telecom players here and consequently the industry itself. 

Thirdly, if telecom players need to expand to rural areas, they need money. And if there is anything that is a shortage in this economic crisis, it is money and jobs. Despite RBI's efforts to increase liquidity in the market, there aren't many takers. Even the other public and private banks don't seem to share the same enthusiasm as the RBI in giving out their money. Consequently, other than the cash rich entities like Reliance and Bharti, there will not be many others with the capability to make such investments. 

What I'd say is this. The government has come up with a good price for the spectrum, at around Rs. 3000 crores. I'm sure the guys who come up with these figures are more knowledgeable than me and they have their own reasons. But they could show some urgency in getting the auction phase started. 

Secondly, the telecom players in the country need to look at the positives of the crisis. Land is cheap, financing is available at very low costs, infrastructure expenses are low, if not the lowest in a long time, and employment comes cheaper now. Take a little risk and get those expansion plans going. Because eventually the market will start to look up, and the one who took the risk will be the one smiling. And while you are at it, my future boss, give me a call. I'm looking for a job too.

The horse has woken...

It has been a while since I have been plagiarizing from my old blog page, to update this one. Two reasons for this - The first is that I've been in the process of doing an MBA and I don't get time to complete my morning duties, let alone write a blog entry. The second is that since the porno advertisers and voodoo penis enlargers have taken over my old blog space, I needed to shift my precious pieces of creation to a safer place. So, after a really long break, we're back in "live" mode. 

Ofcourse, my MBA course is still in progress. But after 10 months of coping with the system, you finally know how to handle the system, right? If not, I couldn't call myself the stud now, could I? Meanwhile, even as I write this, I can't help but wonder if there has been or will be any change in my way of thinking or modes of expression or topics of interest after an MBA. I still love football, cartoons and Monica Belucci (some things never change right). But then, what used to be a sleep remedy not too long back now actually keeps me awake - the Economic Times. Similarly, NDTV Profit is no more just a channel counter on the television. It has become worth a few more minutes of attention. 

Na Ja, but these are small changes. One cannot really change one's core competencies right? (oops, that was an MBA jargon too). I guess, one actually can. So, for better or for worse, the horse resumes his blog...

My Mind, my Body and I

I have had a revelation. No wait, I have had 'the' revelation. I have been enlightened comme la Gauthama Budha. This one didn't take place under a bodhi tree though, but the rate at which I'm making these revelations during class hours, I will end up under some tree very soon. The revelation is this - my body and my mind do not get along well. My body seems to have a mind of it's own, and my mind has no mind over matter, I mean latter. Help!!! It has been a while since I've been getting little hints, but now its all as clear as daylight.

 

   Take for instance the incident when I was at this bus stop, and there was this really huge lady smartly parked next to me. I looked at her, and our eyes met. And then for no reason, my eyes winked. No, I won't say I winked. I never wanted to wink there. And the last thing my mind wants is to wink and get beaten up in front of ten other people on a busy road in a bus stop by a really huge lady. But then, the eyes winked. Thankfully I got this brainwave suddenly and I acted out an oscar winning performance feigning optical invasion from a flying bird. Atleast that is what she must have thought looking at the gimmicks.

 

   Or take for instance this other day on the soccer field. Some 'Pele' from the opposite team smacks the ball straight to my face. I can see it coming, and I recollect my mind screaming 'Duck, Duck, Duck dude, D-U-C-K', while my body simply stood there watching the ball all the way as it rocketed into my face. And at the end of the day, who suffers with those bruised lips? Poor me. Talk about third party turmoil.

 

   The best part is when it comes to speech, especially if it is to a pretty girl I want to impress. My mind thinks up a nice opening line, good enough to impress even the snottiest one. As I make the approach, the mind's playing out all possible variations of responses and more wisecracks to counter them. But just as I reach the damsel, my body starts to back out. It starts to sweat all over. Then the fingers start to shake. The eyes start to bulge and scatter suspicious looks here and there. The mouth goes dry and the tongue stays rooted. So what she turns and looks into is a gaping retard, with a dumb smile who's just stepped out of the lunatic ward. If she doesn't scream then, she sure will once the spoonerisms and other slips of the rooted tongue start coming out. Sigh. If only the two could learn to cooperate, many a damsel would be eating off my hands.

 

   Meanwhile my mind ain't all that innocent either. On it's part, it often comes up with all these silly ideas trying to fulfill which, gets me into a lot of trouble. For instance, after watching Mission Impossible the other day, my mind starts to think that I am Tom Cruise. And I get convinced of the same and fly around like a stud, glaring menacingly at every other guy on the road and looking at ladies with a swagger and that knowing smile. 'Hey baby, yeah. How's it going? How about a ... you know *wink*' . (I'm also known to behave this way when in the midst of alcohol, especially when the drink is in my inner midst). And then I come crashing down when he replies with his hands or she replies with a 'Hey joker, take a look at the mirror will ya? Hmmmpfff '. Again whose ego is hurt? Poor mine.

 

   Anyway, now that the problem has been identified, the next step is to find a solution. That is what I'm working on at the moment. I tried meditation, but when I tried to explain that to my professor, he only glared at me and walked off mutterring something about sleeping in class or something like that. And that was the end of that. But a solution find I will and till then I won't mind the body and I won't body over the mind.