I have had a revelation. No wait, I have had 'the' revelation. I have been enlightened comme la Gauthama Budha. This one didn't take place under a bodhi tree though, but the rate at which I'm making these revelations during class hours, I will end up under some tree very soon. The revelation is this - my body and my mind do not get along well. My body seems to have a mind of it's own, and my mind has no mind over matter, I mean latter. Help!!! It has been a while since I've been getting little hints, but now its all as clear as daylight.
Take for instance the incident when I was at this bus stop, and there was this really huge lady smartly parked next to me. I looked at her, and our eyes met. And then for no reason, my eyes winked. No, I won't say I winked. I never wanted to wink there. And the last thing my mind wants is to wink and get beaten up in front of ten other people on a busy road in a bus stop by a really huge lady. But then, the eyes winked. Thankfully I got this brainwave suddenly and I acted out an oscar winning performance feigning optical invasion from a flying bird. Atleast that is what she must have thought looking at the gimmicks.
Or take for instance this other day on the soccer field. Some 'Pele' from the opposite team smacks the ball straight to my face. I can see it coming, and I recollect my mind screaming 'Duck, Duck, Duck dude, D-U-C-K', while my body simply stood there watching the ball all the way as it rocketed into my face. And at the end of the day, who suffers with those bruised lips? Poor me. Talk about third party turmoil.
The best part is when it comes to speech, especially if it is to a pretty girl I want to impress. My mind thinks up a nice opening line, good enough to impress even the snottiest one. As I make the approach, the mind's playing out all possible variations of responses and more wisecracks to counter them. But just as I reach the damsel, my body starts to back out. It starts to sweat all over. Then the fingers start to shake. The eyes start to bulge and scatter suspicious looks here and there. The mouth goes dry and the tongue stays rooted. So what she turns and looks into is a gaping retard, with a dumb smile who's just stepped out of the lunatic ward. If she doesn't scream then, she sure will once the spoonerisms and other slips of the rooted tongue start coming out. Sigh. If only the two could learn to cooperate, many a damsel would be eating off my hands.
Meanwhile my mind ain't all that innocent either. On it's part, it often comes up with all these silly ideas trying to fulfill which, gets me into a lot of trouble. For instance, after watching Mission Impossible the other day, my mind starts to think that I am Tom Cruise. And I get convinced of the same and fly around like a stud, glaring menacingly at every other guy on the road and looking at ladies with a swagger and that knowing smile. 'Hey baby, yeah. How's it going? How about a ... you know *wink*' . (I'm also known to behave this way when in the midst of alcohol, especially when the drink is in my inner midst). And then I come crashing down when he replies with his hands or she replies with a 'Hey joker, take a look at the mirror will ya? Hmmmpfff '. Again whose ego is hurt? Poor mine.
Anyway, now that the problem has been identified, the next step is to find a solution. That is what I'm working on at the moment. I tried meditation, but when I tried to explain that to my professor, he only glared at me and walked off mutterring something about sleeping in class or something like that. And that was the end of that. But a solution find I will and till then I won't mind the body and I won't body over the mind.
